Uncommonly Common

Throw in the towel girls, Prince William is officially off the market. (Sigh).With the recent announcement of his engagement to Kate Middleton, women (and some men) everywhere sighed a deep collective sigh of disappointment. We’re not disappointed about you Kate, we like you, (well I do) even though you single-handedly killed the dream. (I sigh again). No, we’re disappointed that we didn’t beat you to it. But that’s ok, you are forgiven, since you do after all have such a keen sense of style.

Actually, all the attention you’re getting Kate makes me a little grateful I turned William down. (By the way William, that’s the official story if anyone asks). I’m quite happy not to have the media digging into my past, thank you. Granted, it’s far from sordid and a little less than juicy, (sigh) still, I’d like to think it’s called a ‘private’ life since it’s meant to be, well, private. 

But what’s really bugging me is not the cheap shots at painting a less than perfect profile of Kate, (may the writer who is without dirt throw the first computer). It’s not even the media’s reference to Kate’s alleged non-virgin status (you guys are so wrong for even mentioning that), it’s how Kate is being referred to on a whole.  

A leading UK newspaper said Kate "will be the first commoner to marry an heir presumptive to the throne in more than 350 years." (I beg your pardon.) Ok, so Miss. Middleton wasn’t born into royalty, but surely she’s no commoner. Why that’s just rude! Couldn’t this have been phrased differently? Said with a little more, gee, tact? Allow me to suggest a thesaurus for your next article.

Well Kate, if it helps any, I wasn’t born into royalty either (I know this is a surprise to many of you) and since I wouldn’t like being called a “commoner”, I don’t see why you should endure it either. We're not going to cuss about it though, that would be common behavior. And while we are many and in that way, perhaps common, we can behave  most uncommon about it and be graciously silent. 

Chin up Kate! Keep smiling and stepping in style. And while it pains me to concede, congratulations. 

Though, should you change your mind, do put in a good word with Will for me.

Status Update: Incorrect

I fought the trend at first. I refused to be part of the social networking lifestyle taking over everyone’s lives. I blatantly declined sitting in front the computer all day when there was sunshine to bask in, oceans to swim and dirt tracks to hike. I never had a My Space page, by the time I got around to it, it was no longer trendy. I was the last of my friends to finally give in and get a Facebook account. Not that I was interested then either, but there was this photo album I just had to see.  Even after I had a Facebook account and grudgingly added a Twitter account to the mix, I seldom used either and surely wasn’t adding either of them to my Blackberry, which by the way, I had strictly for professional purposes. My idea of social networking was a cocktail party. But in the end, I succumbed to it all. I’m even a little embarrassed to admit that just like most of you, I’m officially hooked on all of them. I’m an electronically socially networked junkie.

I’ve grown to love a good FB (well you didn’t think I was going to type out Facebook each time did you?) scan and a thoughtful Tweet can give me the giggles. (Both are on my Berry now). But recently some of the status updates and Tweets my ‘friends’ (I don’t even know some of these people) are posting have been a bit disturbing, so I’ve taken it on as my duty to help you find your way, since, it is evident, you got a little lost.

Please do tell us if you are happy, concerned, bewildered or bored. Tell your friends when you get your hair-do done and add a photo so we can “Like” it. Share the funny thing on YouTube, the insightful thing on Shine, the sorrowful thing on the Advocate’s back page.

Tweet about that wonderful article on 'why we love heels' you just read in Marie Claire, or about that new piece of heaven-on-earth you found in NovelTeas on the corner. (By the way, do try the Jasmine tea). We’re even delighted to read about that cute thing your darling child did and now Twitter lets you add photos. (Cudear).

Your Blackberry Messenger (we’ll call this BBM from here on in) status has an even shorter limit than Twittter, but you can still squeeze some sweet sayings in if you try. So give it a try.

However, (sigh) if you are constipated, have diarrhea, or found a strange rash in an even stranger place, your FB or BBM status or Twitter post, is not the place to share this. Your medical condition, other than, “traffic gives me a headache”, is not for us to know.  

Your relationship status is not meant to be shared either. I don’t mean the info section on FB where it says “in a relationship with” or “married to” so-and-so. I mean when you just found out you’re being cheated on.  “(Insert name here) is a dog”, isn’t right. I don’t care who they are or what they’ve done. Don’t get me wrong, by all means you should vent, but we ask that you try not to do this in public forums.  This falls into the ‘over-share’ category and there isn’t a button for that.

Don't complicate the issue either. Kindly refrain from changing your BBM status to ‘updated Twitter’ with a link to your Twitter page and then Tweeting the link to your FB page so we can see a new music video. (Seriously?)  

Finally, I’d like to recommend if I may, that you think before you tag, or link. That photo we took in the park ten years ago brought back good memories and we all shared a smile. (Though I find it hard to believe I once thought LA Gear sneakers in purple with mustard laces fashionable. Egad!) But that doesn’t mean I care to share it with everyone I know, so I don’t know why you think I should share it with everyone you know. Got me? Before you post links with info or images of other people on your social channels, be sure they don’t mind you sharing it. Send it in private message just in case. Or a random sneaker may get thrown in your general direction.

Be sociable. It’s our world, we should know what’s happening in it. Share and share alike. Just don’t share everything. Have fun fellow junkies and share responsibly.

In Reply to Your Emails

I’ve been hearing from you since my last post, seems I ruffled a few feathers.  (Giggle). Thanks for writing me nonetheless, I do appreciate it.  Though I’d like to say that while I love getting emails from you, I’m challenging you to be less cowardly and simply leave a comment. (I dare you!) You can do it anonymously and all feedback is good feedback, so I will post your comment. Even if it is a bit on the illogical side. (Sigh) Perhaps the reason you email me instead of commenting is so I could reply privately. Was that the plan? If it was you should have been specific, because I’m about to air all your dirty laundry. (And I’m going to enjoy the process too).

It seems we are divided by gender on the issue of the sexless affair, Keeping  Affairs to Yourself. Males seem to believe it is all “fair play” and “harmless flirting” in the absence of sex. Females are prone to believe that “from the time (your partner) starts calling (the other person) first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it’s time for the earrings to come off and the (tool used for weeding) to get beat down”. That was, by the way, one of the best emails I’ve ever received.

But one person did raise a great point in the form of a question (worth $500 on Jeopardy).“Was I trying to suggest there’s no such thing as a platonic friend?” I wasn’t at all. (Shame on you!) But since you brought it up, let’s address it, shall we?

Usually the person you’re dating is smarter then you give them credit for. Unfortunately, not always, but usually. That means we usually know the difference between your genuine platonic friend and your pretend platonic friend, that you’re secretly hoping to get lucky with. That’s right, we sure do. Real platonic friends are the best. These are encouraged. But the fakers have got to go.

One of my best friends described the platonic friend as “what happens when someone likes you but they’re ugly”.  (Classic!) Laughter aside, it is possible to have friends of any sex that are really just your friends. Some of them always have been and always will be. We can’t say the same for our romantic partners. Therefore it’s important not to let your romantic relationships interfere with your friendships. And as long as you keep things on the up and up, they shouldn’t.  But Chris Rock said (I’m paraphrasing and deleting the expletives), the platonic friend is really a back-up plan, the ‘break glass in case of emergency’ option for when your current relationship fails. If this is closer to your description, then you may have issues in the future. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

To those of you who “love the blog”, who are “inspired”, “tickled pink”, "ROTFLOL" or are even “not sure what to say in the comments because it left (you) so emotional”, thanks for your emails. 

To the one guy who thinks I wrote ‘Breaking –up beautifully. 10 Easy Steps’ just for you, I did. Glad things went smoothly. (Glad for you that is, not her.)

And to everyone who follows, officially or unofficially,  keep reading, keep sharing and keep loving out loud.

Like 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'

Welcome to October! Are you excited? You should be. It’s a new month and a new chance to remind someone you love, how much you love them. (That’s exactly what you were thinking right?).  It’s Fall, so fall in love all over again, with everything.

I had a lovely surprise this morning when flowers were delivered to my home in the middle of breakfast. The simple ‘thank you’ note attached immediately brought tears to my eyes and a grin to my face. And the random act of kindness has sent the tone for the rest of my day. (Thanks again). The bubbly joy I’m feeling right now, I’d like to share with you. Better still, I’d like you to share it with someone else too. So let’s give it a try. That’s our ‘to do’ for today. We’re going to spread joy like 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' on a hot bake. (Can you tell I enjoyed breakfast?)

First things first, you’ll need to get yourself into the right frame of mind. Ready? Inhale…exhale…and grin! Go on. Feels forced and silly? That’s ok, I’m the only one who can see you. (Made you look.) But if you grin hard enough, when it starts to fade you’ll be left with a soft smile. See? There it is.

Now caption a blank piece of paper (or email, or Facebook note), “5 Things that made me smile the first week in October”. Write (or type) 4 things that made you smile so far this month. Here’s mine:

1. One of my dearest friends is having a baby and she’s naming her after me. (That was my official bid).
2. I hugged my dad.
3. My husband bought me ice-cream and our dogs watched us eat it.
4. My mum surprised me and in doing so inspired me.

Remember your list will actually have 5 items on it, but the 5^th will be the same for all of us. Here it is.

5. I shared four smiles with you.

When you’ve completed your list, pass it on. Let me know what you come up with, I’d love to hear from you.  Put your 4 in the comments section so I can smile with you. Note, however, the list doesn’t have to come back to you. You’re not giving this so it becomes a task, so give it free and clear, without instructions. And you can do this as often as you like. I’m pretty sure something sweet will come back to you in some way. Perhaps even flowers. In the least you would have shared a smile with someone. And smiles are a great way to start falling in love. Smiles and Celine Dion. But that’s another post.

and one for Me

I had fresh donuts for breakfast today. Two of them. Both topped with milk chocolate frosting. One drizzled with white chocolate icing and the other heavily drenched in multi-color sprinkles.  Delightful. Since I was already on a roll, a cup of caffeine-free green tea was out of the question, so I had a Coke. Then, I skipped yoga, stayed in bed and watched ‘Enchanted’. Do I feel guilty? No. Fat? No. (Well, not yet.) Lazy? Not at all. In fact, I felt full, rested and privileged as I sang along with Giselle (a little off key).  Today was not about what anyone else thought about what I should be eating, drinking, doing or not doing. This day was mine. Today I had a love affair with myself.

Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from all the other relationships around you and work on your relationship with you. You put all that effort into other people, but once in a while, put equal effort into yourself. It’s not selfish. Love never is. So love you for a bit.

For one day, let it all go. Eat, drink, do, or not do as much or as little as you like. Have donuts and Coke for breakfast and overpriced lobster and very aged red wine for lunch. Of course, you’ll have ice-cream for dinner. (What else?) Find funny shapes in the clouds. Watch a musical and join in on the dance routines.  Feed the birds. Go barefoot. Wonder. Laugh. Be well.

I’d love to stay and chat for awhile, but it’s my day remember? We’ll do you tomorrow. Hugs.

Frauds & Frankensteins

Let’s talk about infidelity. You’re already uncomfortable, the way you shifted in your seat gave you away. But before you have a conniption we’re not talking about your infidelity, we’re talking about everyone else’s. (Exhale). 

It’s certainly not a taboo topic. It’s not a new topic either.  Glossy, gossip magazines around the world rejoiced when Monica dropped the bomb. No last name necessary, you know which Monica I mean. For years we followed Prince Charles and his ‘secret’ saga with Camilla, like we didn’t know the truth Charlie. More recently Angelina Jolie, Tiger Woods, Fantasia and Alicia Keys all took their licks, some more than others.  (‘Keys in Tramp Minor’ shirts now in production). And those are just a few of the celebs, we haven’t even started in on the ones in your office yet. We were there, taking it all in. Every caught-on-Blackberry-camera step of the way. We read it, watched it, karaoked to it, ‘liked’ it on Facebook and made Twitter chirp with the news.

So why is that? What’s the big deal? What’s our fascination?

Plain and simple, misery loves company and no one wants to be in it alone. 

If you’re being cheated on, you want to know it’s not because you’re a loser. (For the record, you’re not a loser).  If you’re doing the cheating, you still want to know you’re not the only loser cheating. (For the record, you’re not the only loser).  What? Was that harsh? I’m sorry I called you a loser, fraud. Because I don’t care what the justifiable reason is for your cheating, or if you didn’t mean to cheat. It still hurts someone else, so just don’t do it. Ok, so maybe we are talking about your infidelity. (Inhale. Panic!). But seriously, if we acted like the adults we claim to be, we’d save the people we claim to love lots of heartache. And that my friends, is the real truth of the matter. 

If you love me, stop keeping secrets and tell me the truth. That goes for partners and friends. (Not gossip friends, truth, careful there).  If you want to be with someone else, go for it and good luck. I’m not Frankenstein. That’s right, not Frankenstein. In other words, I was alive when you found me, ergo, I lived before you came along, so contrary to what you think, there’s a good chance I’ll keeping living after you go too. I’ll cry, throw a major hissy fit and cry some more. Things may get broken. But twelve Advils later, life will go on. Happily.

So don't be a fraud if you don't date a Frankenstein. Got it? Good. 

In Sickness

Traditional wedding vows. The beauty of rhythmic poetry combined with such deep passion and sincerity of heart in the most melodious form, as to make the even the hard-hearted shed a tear at the sound. You can decide whether that shed tear is one of joy, or if it be in condolence to the poor sods that utter said vows to each other. I go with the latter.  (You’ll recall I’m a pessimist). 

The good stuff mixed in there is pretty good.  ‘To have and to hold’, ‘for better’, ‘for richer’, ‘in health’, ‘to love’, ‘honor and cherish’, is quite frankly, some powerful stuff. And simply pretty, to boot. Makes you think of running through fields of daisies dressed in white to an Abba sound track. Like a fabric softener commercial. If this was the essence of marriage more of us would take the plunge, feet first and be it for the long haul too. ‘Till death do us part’, would be a breeze. But it’s not that simple. And for most of us, it’s always the other part of the vows that seem to be the reality. The not so good stuff. You know, the ‘for worse’,’ for poorer’ and ‘in sickness’ parts. 

So how do you take a whole lot of the not so good stuff and just a little bit of the good stuff and still make it till death do us part?  ‘In sickness’ is the key. 

'For worse' is guaranteed. There will be bad times, you expect that, but in those bad times be happy, because there are worse times ahead.  You’ll need to really remember those ‘for better’ times and hold firmly to those memories. Keep a journal if it helps. Better yet, turn those bad times into something good. It’s not as impossible as it sounds. Just look for the good in the situation and focus on that. One of you left the toilet seat up and the other fell in? What a wonderful time to spend the day at the spa for an invigorating body scrub. One of you lost a job and feeling a bit down about it? More time to spend having picnics at lunch. You get the general idea. This is the easy stuff of course, but if you break the harder stuff down into manageable portions, it can be just as simple. More or less.

Anna Nicole married for love. (Stop rolling your eyes, she did). So did you.  And so did I. Fortunately for her love came with a mansion or 4, limitless credit cards, a yacht, designer clothing, a walk-in shoe closet (shivers up my shine with envy) and some jewels here and there. For us, love just came. But make do best as you can. Work hard, save harder and spend wisely but willingly. Just don’t forget to save, you may need something to pull out your hat (other than a rabbit) for the doctor, when that pesky ‘in sickness’ part kicks in. But here is where we separate the men from the mice.

I was sick recently. Nothing major (or so they tell me, I felt quite rotten but I’m not the expert). And as far as vows go, to me nothing truly says ‘I love you’ like rubbing someone’s back while they throw-up. If you heaved at the mere thought, you’re probably single. (Now you know why). To me ‘in sickness’ is the ‘for worse’ of the bad. You can be broke and happy. It’s been proven. Ask me for details. But sick and happy, not really. When you can look someone in the face with their eyes all puffy and red, no mascara, snot around the nostrils, still kiss ‘em on the cheek and say ‘good morning gorgeous’, well then you’ve got this relationship thing nailed.  Some out there are wondering, is it that simple? You bet it is. (Thank me later).  Have, hold, love, cherish and rub my back with Vicks. Ahhh. Happily ever after...

I do

Love. – noun: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. dictionary.com But it's much more than that isn't it? 

It's that funny feeling in your stomach, kind of like one too many prunes, but not quite. That lightness of the head, quickening of the heart, the removal of all sense and reason. A constant smile, a soft sigh, a burst of laughter. Irrational, illogical and ecstatic. Ready to throw-up yet?

Before you get the wrong idea, yes, I'm a pessimist. Oh I believe in love just like most of you. I do. It's the length and sincerity of it that I question. It all starts off ok. Person meets person, they date, laugh, eat a few meals together and before you know it, fall in love. Sensible ones stay there but others get carried away. You know what I mean. Get engaged, plan a debt, I mean wedding, they get married (if it's legal where you are), put an aquarium in the living room and rescue a dog. It's beautiful. Stay with me now, cause this is where reality sets in. And then after that first blissful year, farts ain't funny no more...

Don't let me discourage you. Fall in love! Go for it. Just be aware that "till death do us part" might be a longer time than you think. 

It isn't a bed of roses and if anyone tells you it is, remember that roses still need pruning to stay pretty. In other words, it takes work. And lots of it. 

But other than that, if you like the flavor of Pepto Bismol, waking up at random hours of the night with the sheets gone, find your own company boring and you think the person you're reading this to, you can't live without, my friend, marriage is for you.