What were you thinking while you brushed your teeth this morning? About your work, spouse, children, things you have to do, calls you have to return, bills you need to pay, shoes you need to buy, how cute your bum looks in those undies? (Pause).
Was I close? Any of the above? All of the above? Did you find the 'cute bum' remark a bit off? It isn’t. We think about our bodies more than we’d like to admit. The problem is, as a woman (apologies to the men reading along), usually when we think of ourselves physically, it’s in a bad sense. But is it really what you think that’s the problem, or is what others think?
Late last year I wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I wasn’t myself. I was extremely tired all the time and my body felt like something I borrowed, not like the one I knew. I didn’t share that I wasn’t well with anyone (frankly, it wasn’t anyone’s business), but it soon showed. I lost weight. Lots of it (apparently) and quickly. While I didn’t notice immediately, everyone else sure did. And for some reason, everyone felt the need to share their opinion on the matter, although I hadn’t asked for opinions and really didn’t want any.
A few were nice about it, saying I looked better than ever, (bless you), but the vast majority thought I looked too skinny, even “simply awful” (I remember who said that and you’re not getting a Christmas gift this year). The comments hurt. I became extremely self-conscious. And while I secretly enjoyed trying on smaller sizes, I feared buying them and drawing more attention to my “protruding ribs”. Only my face reflected the weight-loss, because the rest of me was well under wraps. My over-sized clothes hung from my frail frame in an attempt to hide my body. I was ashamed.
Recently however, I gained a few pounds. And once again, all and sundry have an opinion to voice. I stepped onto the scale with trepidation, fearing it might break, having heard such sordid tales of my new chunky size. I was congratulated on being pregnant. Only, I’m not. Again, I was ashamed.
During this last year I gradually became aware of my physical self and I realized a few things about my body. But it's not what you might think.
When I look in the mirror I don’t see skinny me, or chubby me, I see me. And although it took some work to get here, I am no longer ashamed. There are things I look great in and things I should probably give away. But beyond that, it’s not too complicated for me. I’ve realized that who it’s complicated for, is you. Everyone else. You’re the ones who think I’m too skinny, or too fat, or too something that I don’t believe I am. And do you know what? It sucks to be you. Because I'm fine with me.
I wasn’t crazy, something was wrong. And I remain thankful daily that the problem has been resolved. I’m healthy. Unfortunately there are too many of us out there who can’t say the same. Too many who can’t control how skinny or how round they are because something bad has borrowed their bodies. People you may help to feel ashamed, because you didn’t keep your opinion to yourself. But each of us, whoever we are, however we are, we need to love what we are. Not what others think we should be. Don’t be ashamed of you and don’t allow others to influence your judgment of yourself. There is really only one body commandment, thou shall be healthy. Anything else society deems you should be, is optional.
I say this to those of you who have started calling me chubby, perhaps what you say may be true, in your opinion. But I don't want your opionon, so kindly don't give it. And you should know, that this morning while I brushed my teeth, I smiled as I was thinking how cute my bum looks in these undies. And do you know what the truth is?
My bum sure looks cute in these undies...
Think pink this month and give generously as we all do our part in the fight against breast cancer.
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